Brrrrr..its cold in here.

My public persona is definitely a façade many fall for. I smile, laugh, comfort, make conversation, and exchange all pleasantries. Why, because I am a people’s person, and I love working with individuals.

However, truth be told, I have become a rather cold person. Yes I still become emotional about some things, I’m human, but things do not affect like they used to. When I cry, its not due to being sad, but being so frustrated-so angry.

Take for instance the day of my birthday get-together. I found myself frustrated with the amount of people who canceled last minute. Had it been a normal gathering, per se at my place, it would have been an issue. However, it was at a bowling alley where I had to reserve lanes in order to accommodate my guests. I had planned early, and requested conformation for attendance plenty of times. Yet still, last minute people were canceling, and I was watching possible book money go down the drain. So out of pure frustration and talking to my lovely cousin who was trying to cheer me up, I cried. Nonetheless, I had a wonderful time with those who came to celebrate.

Later that night, something very shady went down. I will not go into complete details, but a best friend, whom I thought would have some respect for me crossed the line. Now instead of going off, doing bodily harm, belittling, or anything of that nature- I stayed abnormally calmed…got out the car… and walked home at 2am. I didn’t cry, throw things or anything. I was just extremely pissed off, and cut that best friend out of my life telling him to refrain from contacting me.

As of late, I notice how easy it is to dismiss someone from my life without a second thought or feeling. Am I proud of this, no. At the same time I almost do not care.

I’m starting to wonder, if I am truly losing the warm caring part of myself.

That’s it for now, maybe I will expand on this later.