Self-Reliance

It has been a cool minute, but I am back!!!!

The year 2008, has come and gone with the blink of an eye. So much has happened, history has been made, tears have been shed, and laughter has wreaked havoc on unsuspecting bladders.

As I do a bit of introspection on this last day of the year, I have learned a few things about myself. A few things that I may have once been so sure about, but now question. All of which, are a part of self-growth.

One thing I’ve realize, is how much more self reliant I must become. Yes, I usually depend on me, to accomplish almost all of my short and long term goals.

However, there are time when I have relied on some family members and “friends”, and have felt like I’ve been left in the dust. It those occasions when you rely on individual to be there to support you emotionally, and help motivate, and they do nothing but break you down.

One person who has officially ended up on the shit list of 2008 is my sperm donor, aka my father. It’s funny when you think things have been patched up and you can turn to a parent to be there for you, and they aren’t. I’ve officially close the book on him, if there is anything that he has taught me, it is what a man isn’t.

As far as “friends” go, you should be able to relying on them to respect you enough as a person. And I’m not referring to the friends people have that are at arms length, I’m referring to those you bring into you life whole heartedly. The ones that know not only your strengths, but also the weaknesses that could possibly tear you down. The people that know the lines that should not be crossed, and they cross them anyway.

At one point of time, I thought I cut those individuals out of my life. You know the ones that took the rug from underneath me. I thought I shut my emotions down, and walked away. Then I realize, the next part of having self-reliance, is the ability to forgive and let go of the negativity. However, to keep with you the lessons learned.

So as I am entering a new year, I have rehashed a few friendships. Knowing that if I hold on to the bitterness, it will only make me weak, needy, and vulnerable.

One may wonder, why not rehash the relationship with my own flesh and blood. Well my father has used up all his chances. In fact, keeping him involved will only chip away at my strength.

I don’t have the whole me against the world chip on my shoulder. But I do feel that if I’m going to get where I want to be; I better be able to stand up and hold my own.

2009, here I come!!!!