Deh Luv Fah Deh Muzik

Listen to the beats
let them seep into my blood
rekindle with my DNA
and change the rhythm of my heart
My body sway like coconut trees
along the beach of Belize
These hips wind
and wind
and wind
like a clock trying to get set
to the right time
before the next minute passes
I close my eyes
and see the words
and feel them wrap around my body
like a dance partner
who can anticipate my next move
yes
my next move
which will be a fluid as the last
but intense like the waves that crashes on the shores
this muzik
dah meh first luv
it takes over me
and I give up control
so let the sweat bead
let my breathes grow rapid
let my legs burn in joy
because I will dance with
meh first luv
until air can no longer
escape me

Obama the house negro?

So it is a Saturday night, and I decided to hop on youtube to watch some comedy. My dorm doesn't have cable or a working t.v, so the internet is my television. Anyway, I came across an upsetting video (I tried to make my response, but apparently I am unable to correctly format a video to upload on youtube) where a pastor/preacher/reverend has a "few" choice words about Obama. It truly upset how he brings Obama down, not because of his views, but because he thinks Obama is a house Negro who does not stand up to "white folk". I am disgusted that this man would preach such ignorance.
I feel if an individual decides not to vote for a particular candidate, it should be because that candidate is lacking in their ability to lead and resolve issues. It should not be because the person has not gone to jail. It should not be because of the individuals gender or race. There are larger issues at hand like the war, cost of education, pathway to citizenship, and e.t.c.
Well check out the video,






I had to give credit to this man right here for saying what I had been screaming to myself in my dorm.

Sometimes my generation irritates me.

I wonder about my peers at times. I sit down and look at the direction we are headed, and sometimes worry. I'm not sure if its the area I grew up in or the school I went to. But it seem like what plagued my environment, is also an epidemic in other cities.
I remember going to the library/park by my house. The library was like my second home, after I did some reading there, I would take my homework outside to the park and do my homework on the bench. Something about being outside with its natural noise helped me concentrate. Some of my peers would walk by and ask me what I was doing, and I would say, homework. They would look at me as if i was crazy. Saying that they don't have time to be doing all that, but would then go sit and watch people play basketball. What used to trip me out, was how much people just hung out at the park. Not doing a damn thing but gossiping and trying to hook up. The same guy who graduated high school 2 years before, would still be "kickin" it at the park trying to pick up on high school girls. I'm not saying everyone has to go to college, but they should at least try to be doing something with their life.
At the school i went to, i had been deemed "El Nerdo" by all the other black students. They would tell me, you are the only black person with a big ass backpack at this school. To me, it never bothered me to be made fun of, or laughed at when I would walk and read at the same time. But what would bother me was the Black Student Union meetings. I was vice president, and so I usually led the meetings. I would tell everyone about the opportunities the college office had to offer and would try to plan trips to college expos. But all I would hear is, "I don't think I'm gonna graduate this year anyway" or " Don't nobody want to go up to the college office, where is it anyway?" It used to piss me off.
I used to hold workshops on writing a personal statement, going to a college interview, applying for college, learning how to get financial aid. And people wouldn't show up, then later turn around talking about , they didn't know how to do any of the above and was like f**k it.
I would trip out that someone was on the brink of not graduating because they hadn't paid their senior dues, but had manage to buy the sidekick 3 when it came out.
Speaking of buying new electronics, why is it that my peers, are so quick to get the latest gadget, shoes, purse, clothing, jewelry, or game out there, but would think twice about putting money down on any form of an education or book.
Currently I have two credit cards, I'm using it to build my credit, so when I'm done with school I can actually have a credit score. I don't buy what I can't pay for in cash, I only use 10% of the limit, and I pay my bill in full to avoid interest. Many of my peers have credit card and go spending it without thinking. Some are fortunate enough to have their parents foot the bill, while others just try to make the minimum payment. Where is the self control? Where is the responsibility? And for those who aren't trying to establish credit, how are they going to advance and purchase important things on their own? Life is way more expensive when someone has no credit or bad credit.
I get tired of hearing sob stories of how, they don't have time for school. But its funny how they make time for a party. Make time to post pictures of themselves at the party on myspace. Have time to tell everyone to check them out. I'm a full time student, managing two jobs, without a car..and I'm still handling my business. Its called self sacrifice, I'm making an investment in myself. I know I can't go to every party. But when I can manage to I will, its all about time management.
I also worry about my generations health. The amount of STD's that are spreading in the high schools and colleges are insane. So many people are drinking/smoking and having unprotected sex. Does the idea of possibly contracting something, not cross anyones mind. When I hear about others just having sex with random people all the time, I'm like damn I hope you are protecting yourself..although there are still somethings that someone can contract from one touching another.
I know I'm not a perfect angel, but when I look at my generation, I wonder how will we be taken seriously. I understand being young and having fun, but there is more than just the present to live for..the future is still before us.

sorry about the ranting..I just get irritated at times.

Taking a much NEEDED break!

After dealing with Mr.Joe, I have long decided from mid January, to take a break from dating and talking to guys who weren't already my friends. Some may so, "girl, don't let one bad apple make you go into hiding", well thats not exactly the case.
Through the journey of various relationships, I have dealt with a lot. I've been cheated on multiple times. Had a crazy mother call my cell phone 50times because her hard-headed son left her house at 12am. Dated someone who was a daddy, the main problem was that his bestfriend told my bestfriend about a daughter I just wasn't aware of. I've dealt with the compulsive liars, guys who just felt it was ok to not call for over a week, ( now I do call, but I do not blow up anybody's phone..i don't like doing it..I don't like it done to me..everybody has caller ID if the call rang all the way to voicemail..then it should show a miss call or two) and other miscellaneous issues.
Even though I dealt with all that drama, I always seen every guy as an individual. Every person deserve the opportunity to introduce themselves without being prejudged. So I usually didn't let my past issues travel over to the next. Just about every relationship I have gotten myself into, I had talked to the other person for a period of time prior to the commitment. I tried to get to know them, get past the facade, and get a better idea of who they are after the trying to impress you phase.
A few of my female friend would say, I don't know how you give everyone a clean slate after dealing with the drama. Well I have male friends, older brothers (32 and 31) and two older sisters (29 and 29)-one of my sisters is actually a sister in law. Between all of the above, I get insightful advice, that allows me to realize that everyone isn't the same. And getting advice from the male perspective does truly help.
That's how I always kept a positive outlook. Well more like, thats how I used to keep a positive outlook.
After dealing with a whole lot more bull, as some would read from my "Why must simple situations become difficult" blog, and the other stuff that I have yet to mention. I have become frustrated. I grew up with a father that cheated, but sadly to say, the Belizean culture had made that an acceptable thing, because my grandfathers did the same thing. Anyway, I have seen my male friend do some messed up things while in a relationship, and just watch some of my sibling relationships kind of dissolve right before my eyes.
I know relationships aren't easy, they take time, effort, patience, and communication. All things I'm ready to invest. But at this point in my life, time is precious. I'm trying to reach a certain point in my life by a certain age. I'm trying to be stable in my career and a home owner by 24/25. So to invest my time in someone, they need to be worth it. After dealing with Joe, I wasted a lot of emotions and time. I felt like he was different, you know goal oriented, intelligent, respectful, sweet, and tall (6'6). Yes I have a thing for tall guys...anyway moving on...So after dealing with that chapter in my life I've just become fed up.
I have heard the beautiful word Love, one too many times from lips that destroyed its meaning. I have been proposed to by someone who can't even tell you what school i go to, or even my full name.
I find myself not being able to believe a single word that tries to make its way to my heart. A tall strapping guy can try to approach me and wont get much of a glance out of me.
And this is why I know I need this break from relationships and talking to prospective guys. Because I can't take them seriously. So instead of wasting my time, I just need to reach to the state of mind i once had.
I'm young, 18, I don't need to rush it, its not then end of the world. Just a learning experience.

Why that male best friend of yours, may never become your man?

Now everyone may have, had, or will have a friend of the opposite sex. But I am not referring to just any kind of friend, I'm talking about a best friend.
Oh and quick side note..remember the name of my blog is "through the eyes of Andrea" so this post will be written by most part through a females perspective.
Anyway continuing on, This is the bestfriend who says he will knock down anyone who will hurt you, he will always be there for you, and gives you advices.whether you want that advice or not. Of course, these are also things you do. So the friendship is "balanced". Now many think it is impossible to have friend of the opposite sex who just stay friends, but it is very possible, I have a few who are friends..and thats all there is to it.
But in this post, I want to focus, on the bestfriend who may never be your man.
So I have a male bestfriend, we started off as ordinary friends, then decided to get into a relationship..which just ended up to us being friend again..lol..Well anyway, during our second phase of a friendship, we became bestfriends. We talked about everything candidly, and kept everything 100%. Meaning, tell all, regardless of the consequences.
As my bestfriend, he stayed in that category ( as much as possible), which was made easier because he lived quite a bit of distance from me. So when we would talk on the phone, I got to hear about everything. And I mean everything. From getting bored with females, what he does with a female, who he does, how many, where, and all the gory details that go along with it.
I try my best not to judge individuals, since no one is perfect, so i just always seen it as..what he does is what he does, as long as he is being careful. And i think that was why our friendship was so strong, it was the ability to tell all without fear of judgment. Which people generally fear, and so hide stuff and keeps secrets.
So after a while, those relationship feeling started brewing in him, and he wanted to try us out.
Well this is when I began to wonder, what would make me different from the other girls. If i know you get bored with females, just because it is how you are, what will stop you from getting bored with me. What i feared was, we would get together, and something would happen..and poof thats the end of a great friendship.
Well this is a problem that I have seen many face, the one where you have a friend that you know everything about. Now the problem isn't knowing everything, the problem is, what will make you different from the others.

Here are few example of why someone will keep a bestfriend as just that!

• Your bestfriend proclaims they can never be faithful
• Your bestfriend has slept with a multitude of random females
• Your bestfriend says he easily gets bored with females
• Your bestfriend has a strong sex drive and doesn't live close to you
• Your bestfriend has no problem disrespecting females
• Your bestfriend has told you all the gory details involved with most of his sexual escapades
• Your bestfriend has answered your call while he was having sex
• Your bestfriend can never see himself settling down
• Your bestfriend generally calls all females, but you, by a certain name. Hint it starts with a B and ends with an ITCH.
  

Now, the heading of the post says "may never", so it is possible for it to happen. Sometimes you can notice a marked difference from the way he treats you and others. So maybe when he says you different it does carry weight. Its just all dependent on whether you want to find out.
Dynamics sometimes change from friendship to relationship. Things that you discuss before, may not be discuss in a relationship. For example, if he told you about an annoying habit his girlfriend had..would he tell you about your annoying habit if you were going out. I guess, what it really comes down to is that communication. Both individuals would need to say it all, 100%, if it worked in the friendship it needs to work in the relationship. In my opinion a relationship is the derivative of a friendship with a little more intimacy.
In most cases, when you know all that information, you start to wonder. Do i want to get involved in this situation, I know all what could happen..so if it does, i can't really be mad at anyone but myself. And because of that fear, that bestfriend of yours may not be more than just a friend.

The First Date

I have read plenty of post written by guys on the subject of first dates. More or less it usually comes down to paying for it. Now I cannot speak for every woman, lady, girl, etc... But I honestly refuse to go on a date if I don't have my own money. I don't care if the guy invited me to go, I am bringing my own money to pay for myself. I think a first date is a sort of a way to get to know each other so it should be mutual. Although I can and will pay for myself, I still like for the guy to offer, and be genuine about his offer. I understand the meaning of earning your own money and being conscientious of how you spend it.
Which is exactly why I honestly can't stand paying for a guy...lol. I have yet to be on a date that a guy has paid for every or even anything. But I have been on dates where I had to "help a brother out" or I just paid for everything to make the situation easier. It's frustrating.
At the same time fellas, Ladies don't all feel this way. If you ask her on a date, she is usually expecting you to pay for it. If thats not what you want to do, put it out there.
Anyway, I think spending a whole lot of money on dates is overrated..lol. Dates should be about getting to know each other and building memories. Maybe I am way to much of a romantic, but going for an evening walk is way better than eating at an expensive bistro where its difficult to maintain a conversation. Or catching an early movie, then sitting at a cafe talking about the movies is way better than watching a late movie and ending the date. It provides a chance to observe a person's character and thought process. If I look at a piece of art work and interpret it one way, and he sees something else: I want to know why and how he draws his conclusion.
Summarizing it all. I honestly think people should go dutch on the first date..and every date after that, unless someone is incline to pay for the entire thing. If he feels he has to pay for the entire evening, I'll pitch in on tips, gas, etc. Lastly, having the opportunity to build fond memories are more important than how exclusive the restaurant is, how extravagant the setting is, when it all comes down to it: my intentions are to get to know the man, and for him to learn about me.

Why must simple situation become difficult?

Exactly why am I up at 4 something in the morning?
Because my mind continues to think of events from the past few months, and I'm not sleepy.
Well back to the issue at hand, simple situations made difficult. I am the kind of individual who like to lay everything on the table. From my opinions to what I'm going through. I do that, in order for the other person to see where I am coming from, I realize people do not have the power to read minds. I also expect others to do the same, to say what they have to say and express themselves. I feel like it makes life easier, and less complicated.
Well, not all people feel the same as I do, which is very understandable. My only problem is when someones invasiveness creates unnecessary drama.
Take for example one of the few situations that seems to stay on my mind. I had feeling for an individual who I will name, Joe. I felt like we connected on many levels, and gave one another the chance to broaden our horizons. We both expressed our liking for each other, but felt that the time wasn't right. I was getting ready to start college, and he had a fork in his pathway and was trying to decide on the best path. Be it that I always put things out in the open, he knew how i felt for him and but if he just wanted to remain friends, I could respect that and remain friends.
WELL thats where issue number one started, when we hung out together, we would kiss hold hands and all that PDA stuff. I eventually got frustrated, Joe wanted to be friends, but enjoy the benefits of a relationship. To me, that sounded like friends with limited benefits. Being the individual I am, I let Joe know thats not the road i wanted to travel. If he wanted to be friends, than that is all it needs to be. Basically, stop crossing the line.
In my opinion, I felt like it was a simple situation. WRONG! Joe kind of wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He wanted me, at the same time didn't want the commitment, at the same time didn't want me to have anyone in the picture. Hmmm..sounds like things aren't as simple as I assumed.
Anyway, I let him know all that wasn't going to work. And it seems like every time i was able to keep him as a friend, the relationship bug would bite him, and he would talk about there being an "us". Once again that cycle got old, and I told him I don't want to wait around for him if I'm waiting for nothing. Simple enough right....
Wrong!!! Joe isn't ready to see me go, so he tells me what issue he is having. I take it into consideration, and some what remain patient. Meaning I kept my options open.
Moving on..When December came along, I decided, JOE doesn't know what he wants, and I just need to leave him as a friend whether he like it or not. Come 2008, Joe decide to push buttons.
Buttons that almost made me cut him off. Almost. I should have left him alone while I could still be cordial, but i didn't. So the situation progressed to something that I will admit broke my heart, and cutting Joe out of my life.
Now this was my example, but I have heard stories from others whom seem to travel down a similar road. They would put everything out in the open, so the other person can understand and then say what they have to say. As I am starting to realize, the other person isn't doing their have half of the equation. Whether it's the other person holding back, lying, or not taking things serious. I understand everyone doesn't have everything figured out, but saying how you feel..be it confused, angry, or tired, can shed some light.
In this world we all make decisions based on what is dealt to us. With holding what needs to be said does not allow for anyone to make well informed decisions..thus making simple situations difficult.