Being Single

I'm starting to miss the companionship one has while in a relationship. I miss being with someone I can hold hands with, and rest my head in the crook of their neck while we people watched and laughed at outlandish outfits. I miss staying up longer than I should, because I was talking to my boyfriend, and he was going into great detail about his day. I miss the petty disagreements as to why I believe the Eagles are better than the Raiders. I miss the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to relationships. It has been awhile since I've been in a solid relationship, it's also been a while since I've been on a date.
I kind of frustrate myself. Since January, I find myself being a bit more suspicious as far as trusting what young men have to say to me. It makes me wonder if I am creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I haven't really acquainted myself with too many guys, just three. One who seemed like he had great potential, later started dating an ex-girlfriend, while he still tried to "holla" at me. That one made me scratch my head. The second spoke of his fear of commitment, which I took as a big red sign to not waste my time seeking a relationship with him, yet he wanted to still be an option. Funny thing is, later down the line I ended up rehashing things with an ex, and I let number 2 know this, and since then I haven't heard from him. Guess he really wasn't up for being friends. The third one, well lets just say my older brother intimidated him to the point where he stopped answering my calls. Thanks big bro..NOT!!!
Other than that, I really haven't met anyone new. And as usual, there is an ex beating on my door to give him another chance. I cannot do it!!! I miss the relationship life, but I will not allow myself to date another ex. I have to keep on going forward.
Being single is fine, but a girl misses the relationships.

2008-2009 School Year

I shall be a very active young lady this upcoming academic year. I have to be a worker bee in order to feel fully productive. To much time on my hands makes me restless and unproductive. As I have announced not to long ago, I was admitted into the nursing program. Which means, on Mon and Wed I will go to the hospital to pick a patient and care plans, of course I still have other classes to attend earlier in the day. Then on Tue and Thur, I go in to the hospital from 6:30 am - 12:30 pm.

As President of African American Council, I would love to establish more influential events based on the black culture for this school year. There is a lot to be done, especially because many of our active member graduated, and the club is limited on officers (just me and another young lady hold positions, and working on overdrive to get things moving). So if anyone has connections, and would like to share the knowledge, please let me know.

As Coordinator of the tour guide program, my full time employment position, I need to make sure I can carry the torch from the last coordinator. After working with her as an "under study", I know there is a lot to be done, but I CAN DO IT! I just need to work 12 hrs per week, which isn't so bad.

On Saturdays, I will continue to tutor middle school and high school student on Math, Science, and English. Although the program itself pays me (this is my second job), these opportunities are offered to these young adults for free. It gives them the chance to see what potential health careers are available, along with preparation for college. I know this is a great program, because I was apart of it for 5 years, and now it is my turn to pass on the knowledge. I love working with them, and cannot wait to see them all again in the fall.

Since I am a seasonal worker for Macy's (this is my 3rd job), I will periodically work during the fall, but mostly on winter and summer breaks. I love the people I work with, and the discount doesn't hurt either. Having this job will come in handy when I need to buy all my professional attire.

As far as my social life go..I shall see what happens. I am usually good at squeezing things, but I'm not expecting a whole lot. I know this doesn't make it easy to establish a relationship, especially being at an all girls college. However, my time is energy, and I cannot waste energy on unnecessary investments.

Anyway, this is my upcoming year in a nutshell.

Relationships and Pre-Nups!!! -OH DAMN

Alright, between Single Black Male(SBM) site and these past few weeks, I have been inspired to write this blog. So first let me touch base with the relationship aspect, then slowly move to pre-nups.
I feel there is nothing worst than being in a relationship, and not feeling like you are in one. Let me explain...There has been 3 occasions where I have broken up with a boyfriend, because I didn't feel like I was in a relationship. I'm not one to nag, I find it to be annoying, but I am big on communication. One of the first things I let a guy know about me is, I like to talk to my man at least once a day. If the day is so hectic, a text message would suffice. I don't mind calling him, and he of course shouldn't mind calling me. It feels good to know that your significant other thought about you, and was just wondering how you were doing, and possibly set up a chance to just relax with one another.
You see, talking to my man daily, is one of those things that signify that I am in a relationship. For others, it may be going weekly dates, or cutting of all contact to male or female friends(trust me..these people are out there). But for me, a conversation with my man, solidifies a bond. I have stress communication several times through out my blog, and it is for a reason. If two people can talk openly with one another, it increases the trust factor, knowledge, respect, and I believe a more successful relationship. I want my boyfriend to be comfortable with expressing himself, be it about something I do that annoys him or his interesting little fantasies.
Communication can deviate a lot of the problems that come from lack of communication, example: cheating, inconsideration(barbie you know what I'm talking about), jealousy, stress, and so on. So, if I go a week without talking to my boyfriend, and I have called and texted him, I start pulling away. I'm not going to force you to talk to me if you don't want to, nor am I going to nag you to call me and blowing up your phone. My missed calls and txt messages show up on your phone, and if you decided not to call me back. I begin to feel unwanted. Now be it, that he may not feel that way, he hasn't communicated other wise, so I'm not going to sit around twiddling my thumbs. Now how does this link with these past weeks?
Well, ( I know you all are going to roll your eyes at this one) I dated an ex..YUP I SURE DID AND WHAT...lol...anyways it's been two year since we lasted dated, but through our 3 year friendship, I believe we have grown to understand one another. Also, considering the 2 year gap and our ages, personal growth is possible. So considering the fact the we have an understanding for each others buttons, likes, dislikes, and what nots..I thought the whole relationship thing might work. As a friend, we talked probably 4-5 times a week for long periods of times, and instant messaged almost everyday. There would be some weeks this wouldn't happen at all, but I didn't care, he wasn't my boyfriend..so he could go on about his business. But he knows how I am in a relationship, hell I've talked to him about past break ups with guys who didn't know how to get in contact with a sistah. And I also know how he is, when he says let me call you back..he really wants me to call him back because he might forget..lol..so we have this little understanding.
However, there were a few things that had me a little apprehensive when I said yes to being in a relationship.

1. He gotten out of a relationship not to long ago( that whole situation was extremely complicated)
2. She is/was obviously still in love( which means..drama would be around the corner)
3. Myspace gets people in trouble..so his myspace made rethink my decision
4. this one is the key one..I can trust him with my life but I can't trust him with my heart.

Worst and best thing about being friends with good communication you learn about the good..bad..and the ugly...and my dear friend here has relationship ADD. Something I have definitely noticed, and its always made me leery about dating him again. At the same time, because he wasn't some random guy, I was a bit more tolerating to thing I would normally have a problem with. The minimal calling, the interesting myspace, and his hot headedness( I know this isn't a word). I've usually been his voice of reason, so when he's snappy about somethings going on with him, I am normally able to calm him down. But it was those few things above that troubled me..and the fact that we weren't really talking anymore. But what broke the camel's back was the night we were supposed to go out. I put in extra extra time, to making sure I was on point. Although I'm on a tight budget, I still went out to buy a few things to jazz up the outfit. I did my own hair, nails, eyebrows..you know all the things to get extra spiffy..smelling and looking sexy. Earlier in the day we agreed what time we would meet, but I told him to call me before he left. WELL you got to love how at 12 am, after a few calls and txt messages I made and sent..he finally answers an tells me he's not COMING. I was pissed..how damn inconsiderate of him to not call to let somebody know. I didn't go off though...I kept it calm..said a sarcastic thanx for calling to let me know ahead of time..then he get LOUD with ME!!! Yea I ended that convo..had to calm myself down..sat in my car for a while before I went upstairs. Then started thinking about how inconsiderate his actions were, and all the other bull that seemed to have accumulated during the time we were in a relationship. So I broke up with him via text message..yes I know..not the adult thing to do. But hell, I was pissed and if I was to have a conversation..I don't think I could have remained calm. I feel that we make better friends..opposed to in a relationship with one another.

But of course..how about when the time comes where I am in a relationship that is heading down the road towards marriage. Well, one of the things he and I would need to discuss is a pre-nup. I don't care if he is rich or poor..I want a pre-nup. I'm not saying its going to be a life time pre-nup..just one for the first 20 years of our marriage. I don't think it should be a problem..I'm marrying for love, friendship, and happiness..not for money. So who cares how much he has..its his..he's earned it..he's worked hard for what he's got..and so have I.
My parents were married for 26 year..and started the divorce process when I was 12...about 7 years ago. Me and my mom moved away from my dad. She left the house, furniture, and quite a bit of our stuff. We packed some clothes and a few other things..and moved to a house my mom had managed to get. It wasn't big...but it was ours and we wanted peace. That was until..my dad sued my mom for spousal support and also filed for divorce. The court looked at the situation and was like hold up..she left you the house and everything, and she raising the child...no you sir will pay spousal support and child support. Man oh man..it was interesting to see how quickly my dad tried to get custody of me..nope..that wasn't happening. Anyway, my mom didn't want any of it at first, but her attorney suggested it would be best. At that moment all hell broke lose, my pops tried to have all the property my mom inherited in Belize sold, and tried to get some of her pension plan among other things. I am now 19..they are still going back and forth about land which is rightfully my moms. Which led me to really think about getting a pre-nup. I have certain things I want to do..along with making investments. And the last thing I want, is for someone to strip away my hard work for greed and hatred.
So if I'm in a serious relationship, and the talk about possible marriage arises..I will bring up the pre-nup. This should happen before the engagement, along with other convos. One of the things i want to do is have all kinds of separate bank accounts: One for the bills, one for the kids education (even before having them), one for miscellaneous spend for the household, then one that is purely for me..and one purely for him (these two accounts is for us to spend however we decide to spend out money, without jeopardizing the household expenses). Its also a precaution..because my pops sure did clean out the account my parent had together.

I know marriage isn't easy, it's work..its a relationship..and relationship needs to have a strong foundation..which I believe is communication. And if we don't have good communication, then we don't have a strong foundation for our relationship, and there is no way I'm going to invest my time on something going no where. Sorry..but thats the way this cookie crumbles.

Hair Care

Sorry fellaz, but this one is mostly for the ladies that periodically scroll through my blog. So if you all have been keeping track of my hair do's..you would know that I've been mostly wearing it curly..you know straight out the shower wet, adding some hair lotion and calling it a day. It was easy to maintain, and great for going out without worrying about my hair. Well now that I am working at macys and working in a health care facility, I didn't want to wear my hair curly. Primarily because i didn't want to stress my edges by having to pull it back into ponytails or buns to look professional. So i straighten my hair for the sake of saving my edges and to have a ready to go professional look when i remove the wrap in the morning.
So I am providing a step by step do it yourself. You all should know that I work on a college student budget, so spending money on hair care isn't affordable. So i take it up on myself to care for it. Here is my step by step process.

First combed through your hair( i didn't do this because my hair was super curly..meaning super fragile and dry..but its the best thing to do if your hair was in some simple style)


Then wash your hair with your desired moisturizing shampoo, I used pantene relaxed and natural.


After that i blot dried my hair with a towel and using my fingers, I sectioned my hair and applied a deep conditioner. After I put that in, I went ahead and put on a self heating cap then sat around chatting for 10 min.



When the ten minutes were up, I hopped back in the shower to rinse out the conditioner, but since my hair had it own state of mind I used a regular conditioner...letting it sit for 3 minutes then rinsing. Once I finished that, I went i my room, and started section my hair to untangled. I used hair lotion on my soaking wet hair to help untangle. After I cleared an area, I swirled it up and pinned it with a duck bill clip. Also be sure to use a wide tooth comb to do all this clearing..it better for the hair. AND TAKE YOUR TIME!


Once i finished untangling the whole head, i would take down one section, spray some heat protectant and blow dry section by section until i blow dried my whole head.


Then starting from the back, I section my hair going across into 1/4 of an inch rows. I sprayed the heat protectant again, not to much then smoothed in a bit of de-frizzer before straightening.

After straigthening the whole head i used my duck bill clips to section my hair to curl just the ends to bring everything together.


After that, I spritz my hair with some holding spray then wrapped it.


now I used the cross wrapping method to reduce the strain on my edges.
first i parted my hair down the middle and put a ponytail holder on the side i wasnt working on.


then using a soft bristle brush i wrapped the loose side to the other side of my head securing it with duck bill clips.


then i took the ponytail holder out and wrapped the ends to the opposite side of my head securing it with a duck bill clip.


after adding moisturizer to the ends i popped on a doo-rag..lol and went to sleep


when all was said and done..I woke up this morning and just combed it out.



Well here are some of the thing i used to make the transformation



BEFORE


BETWEEN


AFTER



here is a great site to check out.
www.healthytextures.com

Tooting My Own Horn

Well this is my blog, so I may feel free to write whatever I deem interesting. Well today I want to toot my own horn about my accomplishments for this past school year. Through all the drama, the tears, frustration, laughter, happiness, and craziness..I have manage to do well for myself..even though I times i questioned my abilities. Well I'm going to go ahead and list the major accomplishments.

1. I MADE IT INTO THE BACHELORS of SCIENCE NURSING PROGRAM....YAY!!!
2. I managed to work two jobs without having a car, and this was the first year(mostly referring to school year) I have ever been employed.
3. I got elected president of African American Council of Women for the upcoming school year
   
4. I was promoted to VIP coordinator for my school tour guide program.
5. I was asked to be a summer supervisor for high school students volunteering in the hospitals.
6. I finally got a car..thanks to my mother..we are both dealing with all of that
7. I am now certified to administer CPR/Heimlich maneuver through the American Heart Association
8. I have a pretty good credit score, and I plan on keeping it that way or higher.
   

Those are the major mile stones so far, but I still have a lot to do. Most of the above I could not have accomplished without the support of my mom, Barbie, Lance,Henry, brother, sister in law, and professors. These people kept me sane, laughing, motivated me, and embraced me. So me tooting my own horn..is also tooting there's for being my pillars.

Your sexiness maybe a hazard to other drivers!

It is 5:30 in the afternoon. The sun is beaming, but breeze is keeping me cool. I'm in the drivers seat of my Honda Civic, and winding my hips to Romie by Beenie Man. I'm approach the red light at an intersection, and looked over to my left. WELL..WELL..WELL, I almost forgot that I was supposed to be braking, because this man came around the corner without a shirt and wearing jean shorts walking his dog.

The man body was rather similar to this fine specimen

I'm not sure if that man realized what a hazard he is to female drivers. Does he not know that we will look and semi become memorized by his physique. I guess not. However, I could not help but laugh at the female drive behind me who was doing more neck stretching to see this man than a construction worker does when he sees Halle Berry in skin tight jumpsuit. Through my rear view mirror i watched her do open her eyes in an "OMG" fashion, then turn in her seat as he passed, then oogle all up in her side mirrors...lol..it was too funny. All I asked for is that she didn't accelerate into my car.

And fellas, do not even act like you aren't guilty for doing the same thang.