My weekly 10

I think I'm going to start something called "My weekly 10" which will consist of themed list of items, with an explanation. Of course like most things on my blog, all explanations are based off of my opinions. This list will be made every Wednesday, this should be fun stress reliever.

" 10 things guys my age should do when it comes to dating"

1. Introduction are our friends: No longer should the terms ma, shawty, aye sexy, aye, you with the booty, or you in the ____shirt/jacket/pants/skirt, be used to address a young lady. How about coming up to me, and introduce yourself. They should also refrain from giving me their hood name, street name, nick name, or whatever else they use outside of the name on their birth certificate. Just because all the homies call him D-Money, doesn't mean I'm going to be thrilled to do the same. So here is an example of what should be done. Young brotha see's a young lady walking past him, he should stifle the urge to say "aye ma". Before she gets too far, he should say excuse me miss, loud enough for her to hear. Being a young lady, she should turn around and meet him half way. He should then proceed with the following: " Hey my name is Darren, what's yours'....well nice to meet you Andrea. Well I'm pretty sure you are in route to somewhere important, but you caught my eyes. So I was wondering if we can exchange phone numbers, so we can get an opportunity to get to know each other"
2. How about wearing clothes that fit: When a young man pant's is sliding off his thighs, it is not attractive. If he has skinny jeans tighter than the jeans I have on, it is not attractive. If he is wearing skinny jeans that sag down to his thighs, I am just confused. The oversize shirts are also unnecissary, I should not have to wonder if it is a night gown or a t-shirt. Instead, a young man should try and find clothes that fit him. It tells me that he is a little more put together, and he doesn't feel the need to show off his snoopy boxers. I'm not going to lie, when a guy approaches me, I do my little once over. One thing I am sure to look out for is chicken legs, its just not my thing. So if they have on big ol baggy jeans, how am I to tell if behind all that material are very skinny legs. here are two pictures of guys that are wearing it right. Style of course an individual thing, I just don't thing the excess material is necessary.
   
3. Can you please look me in the eyes: Trust me, I understand that a young man will check out what a lady is working with. It's human nature! However, can it please be done in a discreet matter. Nothing annoys me more than a guy looking at my fully covered chest trying to determine my cup size while trying to have a conversation. I am not a popeye's meal my breast, legs and thighs will not be served on a plate to with gravy on the side.
   Keep the eyes on my face while trying to talk to me, I understand a little wandering, but if they are glued to everything below the neck. Then his name will be followed by a don't answer when saved into my cell.
4. Get your priorities straight: One of the things I always try to find out is, what a young man is trying to do with his life. I know everyone isn't going to have this complete thought out detailed plan. However the last thing I want to hear is, "I just want to kick it and chill, you know what I mean." No, I don't know what you mean, please get off your bottom, and make something of yourself. I can't count the amount of times I heard a guy tell me he want to be a rapper, NFL star, NBA star, or develop a video game console, but weren't actively doing anything to get there. I'm not going to knock anybody's dream, but if you have one, I think you need to work on making it a reality. Oh and less not forget those money hungry guys who talk about, "all I do is chase paper". Getting money and honeys, shouldn't be a young man's goal in life.
5. Please get all that bling out of my face: Being flashy isn't attractive. In fact for me, it is a deterrent. I really do not care how much money a guy has, as long as he is handling his business. I cannot stand when a guys tries to talk about how much money he has, how much stuff he buys, and all the material things he owns. It just sounds like he is trying to buy me, unfortunately I am not an item to be bought. If he can pay his own way on a date, than I'm happy. If he thinks that being flashy is a way to attract young ladies, then he is trying to find someone that only wants him for what he has..ie a gold digger.( not attractive)
6. Please clean up that language: my oh my, it amazing the language a young man has used in trying to "holla" at me. I remember this one guy who constantly said n*99@ at the end of every sentence, along with all kinds of other vulgar language. I do not go around cussing up a storm, do I cuss, at times yea. But it isn't something I do all day everyday. It especially unattractive when all females are referred to as hoes and or b*tches. Where is the respect for a young lady, I'm sorry but I am not going to think to highly of guy who does that. Is that how they would like their grandmothers, mothers, aunts, sisters, or daughters to be treated. I would hope not. So lets not use those terms, and expand our vocabulary.
7. Thug life, is a no go: The amount of guys, including family members, that are involved in gang activity is riddiculous. Can someone please explain whats so fantastic about having to always look over the shoulder. Shooting someone because of the color of their shirt. How about black young men stop killing each other. I don't think it is appealing to have to worry about whether or not the guy that I am with will get shot. The amount of time spent on the streets could be used doing something more productive.
8. Stop asking if I am a Freak: This question irritates me like no other. If I just met a guy, the last thing he needs to be concerned with is whether or not I'm a freak. That right there will get him into my phone book as don't answer. It makes it apparent to me how quickly they want to get in my pants, and if that isn't the case, than they have showed otherwise. I'm pretty much an open book, except when it comes to sexual topics. Primarily because, I think it should be something that is discovered through exploration. I'm not big on talking about what I can do, if it is supposed to happen then let it happen. So everytime I am asked, I say No.
   
9. Be true to you: A young man needs to let go of the facade he puts up when trying to fit in. If you normally don't call a young lady outside her name, than why do it around your friends. If you are just trying to have fun, and nothing more, than say that. This is a new day and age, and there are females out their who don't want the relationship, they just want to have their fun and keep it pushing. As a young lady, I want to be attracted to a young man for who he is flaws and all. I don't want him to try to be who he thinks I would like, or what he boys would approve of. Be a leader, and be you. If I don't like him for who he is, o'well, there are lots of other young ladies in this world. Not every guy is my cup of tea, and I'm not every guys cup of tea. So if he was true to himself, then rejection wouldn't be such a big deal. If a person doesn't like you for who you are, life goes on.
   
10. I am not your ex: When a guy has been hurt by a woman, he lets it change his entire outlook on women. And some guys my age do not know how to grow from that experience. They become all bent out of shape, and treating every other girl they meet like she's nothing. I've seen it happen. I've seen young guys fall hard for someone, then get their heart broken. After that, they do their best not to get close to anyone else. They start singing to ICE BOX by Omarion like it's their new theme song. But when they do find a girl that gets close, they try to pin point every characterristic, trait, blood type, tattoo, that this new girl has in common with his ex. Please, stop carrying that unnecessary baggage. Learn the lesson, and move on for goodness sake. I had dated a guy who previous girlfriend was apparently extremely jealous, and always took his money. When we started dating, I notice how he would look at the floor when we were out in public, I asked him why did he do that. He said, "because I'm with you, and I don't want to look at other females so you don't get mad." I responded, " why would I get mad if you are only looking, it human nature." He said that his ex would cuss him out for looking...ding ding ding, I am not your ex. One day I was going to get my nails done, and he asked how much money did I need. I told him none, because I pay for myself. His eyes almost popped out of his head when I said that. It was sad, especially because at the time I was 15 and he was 16. Nonetheless, this is still an issue I deal with.
    

Anyway, look forward to next weeks post, when I talk about young ladies.

Self-Reliance

It has been a cool minute, but I am back!!!!

The year 2008, has come and gone with the blink of an eye. So much has happened, history has been made, tears have been shed, and laughter has wreaked havoc on unsuspecting bladders.

As I do a bit of introspection on this last day of the year, I have learned a few things about myself. A few things that I may have once been so sure about, but now question. All of which, are a part of self-growth.

One thing I’ve realize, is how much more self reliant I must become. Yes, I usually depend on me, to accomplish almost all of my short and long term goals.

However, there are time when I have relied on some family members and “friends”, and have felt like I’ve been left in the dust. It those occasions when you rely on individual to be there to support you emotionally, and help motivate, and they do nothing but break you down.

One person who has officially ended up on the shit list of 2008 is my sperm donor, aka my father. It’s funny when you think things have been patched up and you can turn to a parent to be there for you, and they aren’t. I’ve officially close the book on him, if there is anything that he has taught me, it is what a man isn’t.

As far as “friends” go, you should be able to relying on them to respect you enough as a person. And I’m not referring to the friends people have that are at arms length, I’m referring to those you bring into you life whole heartedly. The ones that know not only your strengths, but also the weaknesses that could possibly tear you down. The people that know the lines that should not be crossed, and they cross them anyway.

At one point of time, I thought I cut those individuals out of my life. You know the ones that took the rug from underneath me. I thought I shut my emotions down, and walked away. Then I realize, the next part of having self-reliance, is the ability to forgive and let go of the negativity. However, to keep with you the lessons learned.

So as I am entering a new year, I have rehashed a few friendships. Knowing that if I hold on to the bitterness, it will only make me weak, needy, and vulnerable.

One may wonder, why not rehash the relationship with my own flesh and blood. Well my father has used up all his chances. In fact, keeping him involved will only chip away at my strength.

I don’t have the whole me against the world chip on my shoulder. But I do feel that if I’m going to get where I want to be; I better be able to stand up and hold my own.

2009, here I come!!!!