When I say "I Do"

This my style ring right here, very simple, with so much meaning

I have been thinking about my wedding day for a long time, and though I would like to marry a man with his own opinions, I hope he lets me run free with planning our day. I have just about every detail of the wedding planned out, I mean ask me anything and I can give you an answer, except who the groom will be. In this blog, I'm going to give a little peak into the big day, I'm not trying to give away all the details, but provide a nice overview.

First lets talk numbers:

• The Budget: I'm saying $10,000 or less. I can't see any reason to spending a whole bunch of money on a wedding, I still think $10,000 is a lot of money. But it should include the cost for rings and honeymoon.
• Guest: I'd like a small ceremony of 30-40 guest and a reception of 75-100 guest. The guest at the ceremony should be extremely close family and friends that are damn near family. Most of my close friends will actually have active rolls in the ceremony, ie: bridesmaids, so the ceremony would mostly be viewed by family. I will not be playing games when it comes to RSVP'ing. 
• The Date: A nice late July summer wedding, at sunset on the Beach.
• The Colors: Burnt orange and salmon pink, basically the colors of the sky during sunset.
  

Now to the OVERVIEW

The Bride

 

My dress will be like a combination of these two dress, I already drew it out, but lets keep somethings a mystery right. Any who it will have the color and look of the dress on left, but will have the raised hemline of the dress on the left without all those ruffles. I plan on being barefoot since it is a beach wedding.

The Groom

A nice a breathable white linen suit would be perfect. Its simple and comfortable, yet fits the wedding. The groom will also be barefoot, or maybe wear one of those leather sandals.

Bridesmaids/Groomsmen

I already designed the bridesmaid and maid of honor dresses, they will be off the shoulder short summer like dresses. There colors will be Salmon pink. Now the grooms been will also be in linen outfits, but they will have burnt orange top and beige bottoms. The flower girl will wear a Caribbean print wrap around dress.

The Guest

Dressy casual beach attire. Something practical for the beach, and at the ceremony they have to be barefoot, men can wear the leather sandals.

The Ceremony

A simple arch will suffice this one is a little extra,but I like the rest of the concept with the chairs. I can do with out the stage in the center.That is an accident waiting to happen. The ceremony will be filmed for those who could not attend, and will also be sent out in DVD form as a part of the thank you's that will be mailed.

Floral

I'm not big on flowers, I can hear my mother grasping at her pearls as I type this. But flowers do not do much for me. Which is why me and the bridal party bouquets will be simple like this. Mine is on the left and theirs is on the right. The flower girl will not be tossing flowers, but seashells.

The Reception

The reception will have a warm ambiance. I don't want huge centerpieces, actual a circular mirror under a glass bowl with burnt orange colored rocks at the bottom and a floating candles are exactly what I would like to see. White table cloth and salmon pink napkins. All the guest that weren't invited to the ceremony will attend the reception, while our ceremony will be projected on to two walls for them to view. Why the separation of guest? Well I'd like the ceremony to be really intimate, and a lot of people equals a lot of distraction and potential to start extra late. So alleviate the drama by having a small ceremony. The reception is still small, but its time to celebrate and have a good time. Most people only attend the reception anyway.

The Cake

This cake has a lot of detail, more than I care for. But I like the different color layers and the seashells. I just would not have the seashells all over the place, more like a gradient affect, more at the bottom progressively diminishing as it made its way to the top.  I'd also like the cake topper to be a small wooden sculpture we can later use to decorate our home. As far as the filling, thats between me and the groom.

The Food

A mixture of caribbean and soul food, to appease everyones appetite. Probably oxtail for the caribbean folk and fried chicken for the southern folks. Once again, a choice between me and the groom.

The Wedding Favors

Our guest will go home with a nice  3 inch solid chocolate shaped seashell in a small jewelry box with our monogram and wedding date. This will be placed on top of the plates at the table.

The Honeymoon

I really do not see the point of going off to some other country for a honeymoon, if we are having a beach wedding. I say the hotel where we have the reception is also where we spend out honeymoon. In a nice suite with room service and time to ourselves. Saves a lot more money if you ask me, and serves the same purpose, since we'll be by the beach anyway.

Well I hope you enjoyed the overview. I have more details worked out in my head, but this is like the dream wedding. Hopefully the man I marry likes it too.

If Friend Is What He Wants

One thing I can do is hold on to some emotions for someone. More than just hold on, but allow it to alter the rhythm of my path. A decision I clearly decided on. Maybe I think too much, but I do think, and the more I go over the situation I wonder...where are things going? 
Although he expressed himself to me, and I have done the same...where are things going, both of us wanting different things. I wanting a relationship, he wants a friendship that could lead to more.
My thing is, we have a friendship, and there are somethings we need to learn about one another.. but isn't that the purpose of a relationship. Learning about one another in depth then going from there to higher levels. My presepctive, correct me if I'm wrong is:

• First-you date different people, a chance to get to know them
• Second- based on dates one is selected as the person you feel most compatible with to form a relationship
• Third-in an exlusive relationship, you get to know the person on a more in depth level (this process should go on for a long period of time)
• Fourth-Engagement or Break up. After being in a relationship, are you really compatible with the person, have your feelings become extremely strong or weakened. Can you see yourself making this person your life partner? If no, break-up its not meant to be. If yes, then engagement should follow. 
• Fifth- Marriage or go back to the first step. marriage is making one life together, growing together, a shared life long friendship, that may or may not produce children. If you broke up in the fourth step, then you get back out there. 

I'm ready to hit step three, and he wants to be friends, figuring there is a lot more to learn about each other. When frankly there is some information he isn't privileged to, until we get in a relationship. I just feel there is something more stable with a relationship. If I'm going to give you that part of myself, express my vulnerability, then we need to be into something solid. Everyone doesn't get to see that side of me. 

I've asked him to be my boyfriend more than enough times through out the years we've know each other, and each time I hear the time is not right. Well when the hell is the right time? I'm not going to force him in a relationship, if he doesn't want to do that on his own. I can understand where he's coming from, and I've told him where I'm coming from, but there isn't a compromise. 

While there are other young men, who are actually interested in pursuing a relationship with me. Here I am putting them on hold, while I see where this one is going. With him, I feel like what we could have would be long term, something lasting. The others, seem like they will be short term relationships, and frankly I'm not interested in short term relationships. It is a waste of my time and energy. 

But if friends is what he wants, then I think friends is what he will get.  The part of me waiting for that "right time" is almost done with waiting...

Beyond Aesthetics

In my opinion its not hard to be sexy and fly. I feel like its a state a mind, and once you find your sexy, you can appeal to others. But, being sexy is so much more sexual than an appreciation of beauty. I would honestly prefer to find a man who finds me to be a beautiful woman inside and out, than just sexy. Its not hard to find a sexy woman, they are every where. Considering how women out number men, it would be easy for a man to come across another sexy woman. But to be found beautiful not only for you looks, but for who you are, takes everything to a whole new level.
For instance, if i was in a relationship, my man would capable of identifying another attractive woman, but because of what he sees in me-or have with me..he would not want to give that up. Having as much male friend as I have, I hear and see them oogle at other females. But if they have a girl, they just leave it at looking, they are happy with what they already have. I had one male friend tell me, he doesn't see the point of going to parties, especially if his girl isn't going. He says, "It doesn't feel right dancing up on another girl, I'm really happy with who I'm with".
Of course these feelings should be mutual. I would see a man, see that he's attractive, but compares nothing to what my man does for me on a higher level. Well here goes my little poem on beauty.

Beautiful

I'd rather be beautiful to man

than sexy

I'd rather he see my beauty holistically

Identify the good in me

as a person

as a woman

then to lust over curves not uniqely mine

There is a woman out there

whose hips are wide like mine

There is a woman out there

whose legs are long like mine

There is a woman out there

whose chest are full like mine

There are attractive women everywhere

My shape

a silouhette of what I am

not who I am

and this man

this man must find in me

the things that highlight my difference

setting me a part from the rest

He must find in me

the beauty

that surpasses my looks

as they will change

He must find in me

the beauty

that will make him smile every morning

he awakes along side me

Yes

I'd rather find a man

who finds me beautiful

as I will find him

beautifully handsome

reciprocating the same admiration he has for me

in him

I'd rather find a man

who finds me beautiful

Poem by Drea

Who you calling a B*tch

Remember back in the day, men used to say, "yea that's my ol' lady" or when dudes would say, "that's my girl/woman". When if labeling a promiscuous girl, people would used the term, "fast".
Can someone tell me what happened? Every time I read a status update on my messenger, twitter, facebook, and surprisingly myspace, there are men ( I use this term loosely) generalizing and calling at women, b*tches. Now, I know there are women out there who are just as bad, but I'm focusing on the men. Particularly Black men, because a Black man is someone I see myself committing to for a life time. And I just cannot understand the blatant disrespect some Black men have for Black women. I often read blog entries by my peers, my male counterparts. All through, up and down, they do not say female, girl, young lady, woman, or Queen to describe us Black women. No, instead its, b*tches. Then you have those that say, I don't mean it in a disrespectful way, I use it as a term of endearment. What type of bull fudgery is this! Using, b*tch, in an endearing way?! Where they do that at?! Honestly it gets under my skin. I don't care if he wasn't refering to me specifically, but when used in a generalize matter, he's labeling all women. Ladies, girls, women, all need to stop answering to being called a b*tch. All of us need to stop seeing it as suitable nickname.
See it would be different, if this only applied to a small group of individuals. But its more like a enourmous epidemic, where black men from different background are spewing out the b-word like nothing.
I refuse to accept this as a way to describe me. Below is a poem I wrote on the matter, one of the few poems I've posted on this blog. But this subject, just really grinds my gears.

Those Words

I read those words

written by

some

black boys

who so call themselves

Black men

but cannot

respect the

black woman

describing us a

female dogs

that trot about

ready to

violate our bodies

with anyone willing to sniff our behind

speaking of us

with 

no love 

dignity

or appreciation

valuing us

by the rises

and curves

of our assets

rather than the

beauty of our

intelligence

I read those words

written

by some

black boys

who so call themselves

black men

and I am disappointed

I doubt 

they could look their mother's in the eyes

and call her

such derogatory terms...

not that I am trying to 

level myself

with the

Black woman

whom

carried and birthed

a black son

but 

we are a reflection of

one another

and the qualities of their 

mother

should be the qualities they seek in a

future wife

and how could they recognize

such power

and strength

if they have blinded themselves

this is why

some of those black boys

are boys

because they thought

flashy things 

and words like

sexy and fine

would classify as

proper currency

to buy a 

black woman's time

When a 

black woman

does not accept

counterfeit offers

by Drea

#2009faillist Tiger Tiger Woods Yall

How about you point that finger back at yourself?

There is a lot to be said about this matter, as everyone has gone in on this topic. The brotha over at the blog named, Very Smart Brothas, wrote a nice little piece. I made a comment on their post, "Cage That Tiger, Tiger", which I will copy below. I could go on ranting about this topic, but why. Damn Tiger....Good Luck

Like others have previously mentioned, I am not suprised that he cheated. However, to find out he cheated with 10 women, my jaw almost hit the ground. That is a hot damn bubbling mess! Its bad enough that he’s stepping out on his wife, whom he chose to marry, but to go in raw!!! Can someone please remind this man of the STD’s (renamed STI’S) that are swimming around out there. In addition to things like crabs, that you can get from just bumping uglies..condom or no condom.
I’m glad none of the jump offs were black, especially knowing the way the media works. They probably would have exclusively focused on her, and based on what Tiger was choosing, she might of had all of us shaking our heads like “WHY?!”.
Like mention in the post, I’m sure his wife knew of his extra marital affairs, but stayed with him in the name of endorsements. As long as the story didn’t break, she wouldn’t have to deal with embarrassment. She probably whooped on him, not because he cheated,but because the jump off had evidence. While yelling “you idiot, how do you manage to leave a trail!” Well, at least the attention is mostly focused on him having an issue: instead of her being the one lacking in capabilities.

#2009faillist tiger tiger woods yall!!!